Pants in the Pond

There was a discussion on Twitter today centred around how one mum would sort out her children's accumulated clutter. The consensus was that the best way to sort it was to put it all in black bags (adult clutter included) and charge a 1p tithe to release it to its owner. A very good idea, and one that we could do with using in this house from time to time (I would owe a lot of money)!

This discussion amused me, particularly as from the ages of 5 - 21 I was possibly the least tidy person that God lovingly created! I have gradually improved but that is mainly thanks to the influence of a certain Curate of my acquaintance whose own tidiness borders on excessive (in my humble opinion). However during the years above I lived with my parents and then in various student digs where my untidiness knew no bounds!

One particular incident from adolescence is worth sharing (although those of you with teenagers should look away now in case you are moved to follow my Mum's example).

I had gone for tea at a friend's house a couple of streets away, and I received a phone call. It went like this:

Me: "Hello Mum, what's up?"
Mum: "Oh nothing, I am fine now, but you need to come home immediately!" Said in an calm and slightly scary voice.
Me: "What have I done?"
Mum: "Come home now!"

I raced all the way home, my heart beating ninety to the dozen to discover my fate. I had no idea what i could possibly have done to be in trouble but I still felt guilty. When I arrived home, Mum was still calm and she said "I was appalled by the state of your room today and so in a fit of anger I have thrown all the things that shouldn't be on the floor out of your bedroom window and you need to go into the garden and collect them. Now!"

I scuttled off into the garden to retrieve random items of makeup, magazines, soft toys, and most embarrassingly discarded items of dirty laundry. Most of the laundry (mainly pants to my shame and disgust) had already had a pre-wash cycle as my window was directly above the garden pond!

When I came back in and apologised for my room and the mess and assured Mum I would try harder in future, she accepted my apology and we continued our evening in peace. However when I went to bed that night I discovered that she hadn't finished my 'unusual' punishment. As I got into bed I squealed at a strange noise - Mum had filled my duvet cover with my discarded sweet wrappers! Needless to say they went in the bin (where they should have been in the first place) immediately.

So teenagers, if you are being berated for the state of your room, or not taking your washing to the laundry bin, just remember it could be far far worse

Charity Collection Bags

A bogus charity leaflet, used in the Midlands

We live in an area which is inundated with these collection bags, some genuine charities, others acting illegally and others who fit just inside the law but a teeny tiny percentage of the rag value on each bag goes on to the charity advertised.

They drive me crazy, arriving through the post, making us believe we are popular enough to be receiving post, littering my doorway with their multi coloured proclamations promising an end to agoraphobia in gerbils, or a cure for world nits.

When they do arrive from well known and well thought of national charities, some of which have funded excellent research into the causes of cancer, or heart disease, or are regulars in supporting countries in need of aid around the world, then my attitude is different. Instead I think of the people for whom they are raising the money, and the lives it will touch. I also think of the staff working in our local charity shops and have a little reminisce.

I used to manage one of these small local branches of a large national chain of shops for a well respected charity. As much as I was absolutely overcome with people's generosity when the van driver arrived at the shops with one of his twice weekly collections, it was also overwhelming in a physical sense sometimes.

This particular charity used to have a policy which meant that only the management could sort through the stuff donated. In practice this meant that we went through around 250-300 bags a week from the van and another 100 bags donated through the door. Then our tireless army of volunteers tagged, and pressed it before it was put out into the shop. 

As well as being a pretty physical job a person needed a good sense of humour. In my 5 years we had across our area of shops, some very bizarre donations in these bags, the following still gives me nightmares:

• A kind gentleman donated a bag full of 'interesting' underwear and even more 'interesting' accessories by accident. He then rang to get them back at which point we had to explain that they really weren't our usual kind of stock and had been disposed of...he was NOT a happy man!

So when you receive a bag through the door please check out the charity's credentials online. If you are in when they are in the area you could even ask for ID (a reputable charity would supply their drivers with this), if you are still not sure take it into your local shop.

Oh and spare a thought for the 'sorters'. Is it really going to be saleable? No? Freecycle or chuck it out. Sadly some things are beyond repair.