Thursday, 17 November 2011

Four Years Ago

4 years ago today our lives changed.

4 years ago to so did the lives of another family, and another.

4 years ago my Little Bear came into contact with his 3rd family, Us.

4 years ago today my house filled with toys and nappies and baby gear and my heart filled with love.

Little Bear, then and now, cute toddler or complicated little boy, for better and for worse, I will love you.

Not flesh of my flesh nor bone of my bone but still, miraculously my own.

Monday, 7 November 2011

We will remember them

I watched Gareth Malone's latest choir tonight. I love choral music and I have loved his previous choirs but this one touched me, in a different and altogether appropriate way.

It's the season of remembrance, and in a way the All Souls remembrance is (for me personally) the easiest, or should that be the simplest of them all.
It's relatively straightforward to remember and pay tribute publicly to those whom one has known personally, one knows the backstory.

On Remembrance Day we give thanks for the lives and the sacrificial nature of the deaths of those I personally have had no human contact with .

Tonight, on Gareth Malone's programme I had that contact. I saw wives and partners who were left to wonder, left waiting for the knock at the door which would rip apart their very world. I shed many tears during the programme.

Afterwards, quietly I remembered those who were not there. I prayed fervently for those widowed and in particular remembered those who had been widowed during the World Wars, and conflicts since.

Tonight I realised that before Gareth Malone was a happy thought for his parents there had been military wives receiving news of the fallen.

We will remember them.

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

Without adoption...

~ I would be free from little bits of plastic.
~ I would spend a lot more on toys and clothes for me.
~ I would have two families to understand, the one I was born into and the one into which I married.
~ I would have less discussions about childhood special needs, attachment, trauma and loss.
~ I would have experienced less judgement about children and their behaviour.
~ I would be child-less. Not child-free in my case but child-less.

With adoption...
~ I continue to experience new and exciting toys and games without embarrassment.
~ I get to buy cool miniture clothes and marvel at the speed a child can grow at the same time.
~ I am aware of my connection through my son, to another family. Our ties are broader and have more depth. I ask questions about him in the light of them.
~ I am aware of the obstacles, the children who are different. Not odd, not wonky, not weird, just different. I accept my son's complexities and work with them. I feel empathy towards other parents with different children.
~ My shoulders are broader, I take criticism less personally, and I have become a tiger protector for my son. I am his strongest, loudest and most persistant advocate.
~ I have a person in my life who offers me so much joy, love and appreciation, alongside a healthy (for us) dose of defiant, obstinate behaviour.
~ I am a Mum, not super Mum, wonder Mum, uber Mum or yummy Mum - just Mummy.

In the wonderful words of Todd Parr:
"We belong together because you needed a home and we had one to share. Now we are a family"

National Adoption Week 2011