More dog tales...

Thanks to Vic the Vicar for his comment on yesterday's blog post. It is always great to read comments, indeed reading other people's reactions to my ramblings is often more fun than the rambling itself!

I wasn't planning on blogging this morning but as Blogger has seen fit to repeatedly refuse to let me respond to comments, I thought I would write another dog related post in response.

We have ended up (by chance rather than by design - although I think God is more likely than chance personally) with two very amusing and slightly dotty dogs. We adore them both even though their actions are sometimes beyond our understanding. Bobby is only 9 weeks old, he is forgiven for chewing, mouthing, weeing in the wrong places, etc. These are not personality quirks they are just the behaviours of a puppy. Monty on the other hand is, at least physically, an adult dog. He has many idiosyncrasies (although we do not deny our part in creating them as we have raised him).

To answer Vic's question, Monty does indeed sleep upside down. This is his favourite and most relaxed position - a position he rarely adopts when we are in new and unfamiliar surroundings. It is a little off putting, especially to guests or when one is eating, as in this position all modesty is lost and his "gentleman's area" is displayed in its limited glory.

In answer to the question about opening doors, no we haven't witnessed Monty open a door. He has been known to move the table we use to block the stairs when we are all in bed. The reason the table is there in the first place is due to Monty being completely incapable on letting us know when he needs to go to the toilet. If he is desperate he will push past and go downstairs to leave a puddle by the back door. These days I have become accustomed to this, and so like a parent alert for their child's cry, even the slightest movement makes me leap out of bed and rush downstairs to open the door for him. Very relaxing....NOT.

Many years ago, when I lived at home, we did have a problem with animals opening doors, but even then it was discovered the cat and dogs were working as a team. The cat threw himself on the door handle to release it and the dogs pushed, and all hell broke loose! Mum asked a friend to help, and for years all our door handles were vertical!

Monty loves to run off the lead and has brilliant recall, if we happen to have a ball. He would play fetch all day given the choice. He is occasionally distracted by squirrels or rabbits and careers off after them at speed only to return minus the ball which he has dropped in his excitement. Then some frantic searching later and we can continue on our way!

He loves to swim and is now quite accomplished and he doesn't chase the ducks (unlike one of my parents labs). However he hates the bath!

Monty sleeps on the floor in our bedroom on his mat, and at the first sign of us stirring he jumps up on the bed and goes back to sleep. He's very fond of sleep.

Monty is an accomplished thief, although again I have met worse. These days he is only likely to steal if he feels neglected. The kitchen sides have to be completely cleared before we can go out and leave him otherwise he will clear them for us. We came back from church one Sunday morning to find he had chewed and spread all over the floor a very large pack of filter coffee - it was everywhere! He is also partial to sponge scoureres, tea towels and the odd plastic dinosaur. The first time he ate a marble I was very nervous untill it passed safely through - and no Mother I did not disinfect it and return it to the child!!!

He has reeked some damage in the study as a puppy, but only destroying an old chair. No cloak eating here! A childhood dog once ate my Dad's Parson's Pocketbook - He caused weeks and weeks of confusion and phone calls to funeral directors and wedding couples which included the phrase "Sorry, the dog ate my diary...no, he did really eat my diary!" We have got off lightly so far.

I hope you enjoy the dog antics, no doubt I will have more as Bobby grows - it's double trouble now!

Catalogue of Errors

I think I may be a little tired this afternoon:

• Whilst preparing food for the dogs, I turned to mix one dish and dropped the big dish on the floor sending half its content across the tiles. Bobby the puppy then proceeded to hoover it - great you may be thinking, problem solved. This was not the case, the food was for the adult dog Monty who allowed his food to be snatched up by littlest.
• Then whilst washing up I picked up quickly what I thought was an empty bowl and send the dogs water across the floor creating an impromptu paddling pool.
• Whilst I was distracted clearing up the mess, the puppy did his business on his rug in the corner.
• I cleared this up and put the rug, and my slippers he had attacked earlier into the washing machine, and whilst attempting to poor stain remover into the little plastic thingy, I managed to spill it across the top of the washing machine. This required a bowl of water to clean up as it is the gel stain stuff.
• On the way up to read stories with my lovely little boy, I turned into my bedroom too early and walked into the wall.
• On the way in to kiss said child goodnight, the belt loop of my jeans caught on the door handle bringing the door back at speed into my arm.

So you can see why I am quite nervous to leave the safe confines of my sofa this evening - just in case I walk into, trip over, slosh about anything else.

This is why I am a laughing stock within my extended family and my brother refers to me by the nickname "Unco" as in unco-ordinated.

I will stay safely here for now then.

"There's a fine line between funny and offensive"

So said a Curate of my acquaintance tonight.

I agree with him, it's tricky. One person's amusing is often another's offensive. One person's harmless is a cause of great concern for another person and so on. The boundaries are constantly changing as society develops and understands more of the world, and the people with whom they share it.

The phrase often heard is "S/he took it too far..." Jeremy Clarkson, Frankie Boyle, are two television personalities who have been accused (rightly in my opinion) of doing this.

As a Christian with a reasonably developed sense of humour, I feel that certain things are clearer than others. For instance this is the t-shirt that inspired this blog post, and this made me respond with a big fat "Ewwwww". Not good. Along with the classic Nice Legs - What time do they open? Somebody somewhere finds this amusing - the aforementioned Nice Legs t-shirt has sold out.  "The Vicar's Wife" has actually witnessed one of these high quality t-shirts on an actual human. Now, seeing women as sexual objects who open their legs automatically on the orders of a stupid t-shirt has crossed the line with me I'm afraid.

An Ode to Blogging

We wrote our poetry and our prose
and anguished over the words we chose
One morning we woke and they had gone
Our writings lost - well that's not on!
Our blogs are here for you

Our blogs have function and a form
To cause a laugh or just inform
and when our world is in a wobble
a massive row or just a squabble
Our blogs are here for you

Now we breathe again my friend
You have read the ode I penned (Technically typed but that didn't rhyme with friend!)
I waffle away again with ease
Hope it's good (I try to please!)
Our blogs are here to stay!

 This post is dedicated to DC, HR and EM :D

Our Father in Heaven...

My Dad died when our small son was only 2 years old. In order to talk about this man whom Little Bear knew very little about, but the people he is closest to in the world loved deeply, we started to refer to Dad as Grandad-in-Heaven. This serves two purposes, it reminds him gently what had happened to Grandad and also distinguishes him from Grandad-in-Salisbury. This title for my Dad has stuck.

I was nattering to Mum on the phone the other day, and as Dad was a huge football fan (despite his lifelong Leeds support) the conversation came around to Andy Grey. It was at this point Mum saith unto me "Your Father-in-Heaven would have been really pleased with his sacking, he thought he was an arrogant s***e"

I had a split second pause whilst I worked this one out, I can tell you!

You see this is my father in Heaven, I couldn't comment on our Father in Heaven's

feelings about Andy Grey!